What is secure attachment?
Secure attachment is the style in which a person feels comfortable with both closeness and autonomy. They trust they can ask for support and that the other will respond, and they tolerate separation without experiencing it as a threat.
In the two-dimension model it corresponds to low fear of abandonment and low avoidance of intimacy. It is not a “perfect” style: it means having resources to repair conflict.
Common signs in relationships
You say what you need without hints or drama.
You can argue without feeling the relationship is breaking, and reconnect afterwards.
You enjoy your space without feeling rejected and company without feeling trapped.
You trust the other without needing to monitor them, and you notice when something does not fit.
Where it usually comes from
According to attachment theory, the secure style is associated with sensitive, consistent care: someone came when you needed them. It can also be built in adulthood, what research calls “earned security”, through stable relationships, personal work and therapy.
So a different result is not a sentence and a secure one is not an unchangeable privilege: attachment can vary by relationship and life stage.
How to keep it and support others
- Keep your boundaries: security is not pleasing; if someone with another style pushes you to speed up or pull away, follow your own pace.
- Be patient without carrying: you can support an anxious or avoidant partner without becoming responsible for their regulation.
- Look after repair: apologise, listen and return to the conversation after a conflict.
To understand the four styles better, read the types of attachment and how to know yours.
How this test works
You will see 12 statements and answer from “Not at all” to “Very much”. Six measure fear of abandonment and six avoidance of intimacy (some are worded in reverse and scored accordingly). With both scores we place you in one of four styles.
The statements are original wording inspired by the two-dimension model of Brennan, Clark and Shaver (1998). They are not psychometrically validated: this is a reflection tool, not a diagnosis.
Frequently asked questions
How do I know if I have secure attachment?
Can you move from insecure to secure attachment?
Does secure attachment mean no relationship problems?
Is secure attachment the most common?
Are my answers saved?
Scientific references and bibliography
- Bowlby, J. (1969/1982). Attachment and Loss, Vol. 1: Attachment. Basic Books.
- Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of Attachment: A Psychological Study of the Strange Situation. Erlbaum.
- Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. (1987). Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52(3), 511–524.
- Brennan, K. A., Clark, C. L., & Shaver, P. R. (1998). Self-report measurement of adult attachment: An integrative overview. In J. A. Simpson & W. S. Rholes (Eds.), Attachment Theory and Close Relationships (pp. 46–76). Guilford Press.
- Main, M., & Solomon, J. (1990). Procedures for identifying infants as disorganized/disoriented during the Ainsworth Strange Situation. In M. T. Greenberg, D. Cicchetti & E. M. Cummings (Eds.), Attachment in the Preschool Years (pp. 121–160). University of Chicago Press.