What is disorganised attachment?
Disorganised attachment, also called fearful-avoidant, is characterised by wanting closeness and fearing it at the same time. The person wants to bond, but intimacy is also experienced as a threat, which produces behaviour that seems contradictory.
In the two-dimension model it combines high fear of abandonment and high avoidance of intimacy. It is the least common style and the one that tends to cause most distress, but it is also a learned pattern that can change.
Common signs in relationships
You move close intensely and then suddenly pull away or cut contact without fully understanding why.
When someone cares for you or commits, distrust appears, or a sense that something bad will happen.
You go from excitement to fear or anger quickly, and find it hard to calm down.
You are drawn to intermittent bonds, which confirm the expectation that loving hurts.
Where it usually comes from
According to attachment research (Main and Solomon, 1990), disorganised attachment is associated with early experiences where the caregiver was both a source of comfort and of fear: for example environments with abuse, serious neglect or unprocessed loss. The child can neither approach nor withdraw safely.
Not everyone with this pattern has lived that, and it is not a “damaged” label: it is an adaptation to a hard environment. With secure relationships and support, it can transform.
What tends to help
- Professional support: attachment- and trauma-focused therapy is the best-supported route for this pattern.
- Go slowly in bonds: give trust time to build through actions.
- Safety routines: sleep, movement and reliable people who help regulate your nervous system.
- Name what is happening: “right now I want to approach and run at once” is already progress.
To go further, read disorganised attachment: why you want love and fear it.
If you are in intense distress or danger, seek professional help or call your local emergency number (112 in Europe, 911 or 988 in the US).
How this test works
You will see 12 statements and answer from “Not at all” to “Very much”. Six measure fear of abandonment and six avoidance of intimacy (some are worded in reverse and scored accordingly). With both scores we place you in one of four styles.
The statements are original wording inspired by the two-dimension model of Brennan, Clark and Shaver (1998). They are not psychometrically validated: this is a reflection tool, not a diagnosis, and it does not detect trauma.
Frequently asked questions
How do I know if I have disorganised attachment?
Is disorganised attachment a disorder?
Can disorganised attachment change?
Is it the same as anxious or avoidant attachment?
Are my answers saved?
Scientific references and bibliography
- Bowlby, J. (1969/1982). Attachment and Loss, Vol. 1: Attachment. Basic Books.
- Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of Attachment: A Psychological Study of the Strange Situation. Erlbaum.
- Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. (1987). Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52(3), 511–524.
- Brennan, K. A., Clark, C. L., & Shaver, P. R. (1998). Self-report measurement of adult attachment: An integrative overview. In J. A. Simpson & W. S. Rholes (Eds.), Attachment Theory and Close Relationships (pp. 46–76). Guilford Press.
- Main, M., & Solomon, J. (1990). Procedures for identifying infants as disorganized/disoriented during the Ainsworth Strange Situation. In M. T. Greenberg, D. Cicchetti & E. M. Cummings (Eds.), Attachment in the Preschool Years (pp. 121–160). University of Chicago Press.