How to Identify Attachment Style and Relationship Patterns: Practical Self-Diagnosis Exercises

3 self-observation exercises to identify your real attachment style: what to notice in your texts, in an argument, and in how you react to distance.

1. Look at your texts

Check your most recent conversation with your partner or romantic interest. How long between seeing a message and replying? Do you draft and delete more than once before sending? Do you feel relief, indifference, or anxiety when they take a while to reply? That reaction — not the message content — is the signal to look for.

2. Look at a recent argument

Think about your last real disagreement. Was your first impulse to move closer and resolve it, to pull away and process it alone, or to get stuck between the two? Did the argument feel like "we have one specific problem" or like "this relationship might be over"? The intensity of that second reading is a direct marker of anxious attachment.

3. Look at your reaction to distance

Next time your partner travels, gets busy, or simply doesn't reply right away, notice what you feel in your body before rationalizing it: rising unease, relief and space, or an uncomfortable mix of both? This test, repeated a few times, is more reliable than any theoretical self-assessment.

4. Keep a one-week log

Each day, jot down one moment of closeness or distance with your partner and your immediate reaction (before analyzing it). After seven days, look for the pattern that repeats most often — it's usually clearer seen together than in a single isolated moment.

Discover your complete profile

If you want a personalized reading of the 12 dimensions + 3 annexes of your mind, start the self-knowledge test for free.